If you live with emetophobia—the fear of vomiting—you’ve probably noticed how much energy you spend trying to control your world, even if you’re currently in emetophobia treatment. You might carefully inspect expiration dates, avoid restaurants, carry sanitizer everywhere, or even stop yourself from making plans “just in case.” The fear of losing control becomes so overwhelming that it often feels safer to shrink your life down rather than risk the possibility of being sick.
I used to be labelled a “control freak,” which was very offensive and certainly never meant as a compliment. The thing is, people with emetophobia don’t need to control everything, we just feel we need to control things related to our fear of vomiting. So when someone, even a therapist tells you your phobia is “all about control” it’s just not true. Emetophobia is all about vomiting, period.
Why We Need Control
Human beings are wired to prefer certainty. Our nervous systems calm down when we know what’s coming next and ramp up when faced with uncertainty. Vomiting feels like the ultimate “unknown”—we don’t always know when it will happen, how intense it will be, or how we’ll cope afterward. For someone with emetophobia, that lack of uncertainty is often intolerable.
So, you do what makes sense in the moment: you avoid, you prepare, you control. You think, If I can just keep myself safe from germs, watch what I eat, and avoid anyone who might be sick, I’ll be okay.
But control is a tricky illusion.
The rituals you build to keep yourself safe—whether it’s triple-checking food or avoiding anyone with a cough—do bring a short burst of relief. But that relief never lasts, does it? Because deep down, you know you can’t control the world. Illness exists. Uncertainty exists. And the harder you grip the reins, the more exhausted and anxious you become.
This is why control, while comforting in the short term, actually fuels the cycle of emetophobia. It teaches your brain that “I can’t handle it unless I’m fully in control.” And that message reinforces the fear rather than eases it.
Learning to Loosen Your Grip
So, how do you begin to step away from control and actually embrace uncertainty without feeling like you’re stepping into chaos? You start small. Really small.
– Instead of sanitizing your hands after every single touch, try letting one or two moments slide.
– Eat something without re-reading the expiration date five times.
– Sit with the discomfort of uncertainty for a few seconds longer than usual.
Each of these micro-steps teaches your brain something powerful: *I can handle not being in control. I can tolerate uncertainty without falling apart.* Over time, this gentle practice builds resilience, and the desperate need for control begins to soften.
A New Way Forward
Recovery doesn’t mean you suddenly embrace chaos or stop caring about health altogether. It means learning to trust yourself to handle life—even the parts that are messy and unpredictable. It’s not about giving up; it’s about finding freedom.
So, the next time you notice yourself trying to control every detail, pause for just a moment. Ask yourself: What would happen if I let go, just a little bit? What if I trusted myself instead of the illusion of control? That tiny question may be the first step toward peace.
Recovery is What You Really Need
If you’d like to start your recovery process now, sign up for my September Saturday (online) classes. Together, we’ll do exposure and response prevention and learn all about how to think differently about vomiting. Register now before classes are full! https://www.emetophobiahelp.org/classes