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When Emetophobia Meets Parenthood

Parenthood is already one of the most challenging jobs in the world. Sleepless nights, endless laundry, the constant juggling of work and family—it’s enough to test anyone’s limits. But if you live with emetophobia—the fear of vomiting—parenting brings a whole new layer of difficulty. Children get stomach bugs, they eat food off the floor, they run around with runny noses and coughs. The unpredictability of childhood collides head-on with your need for safety and control.

You are not alone. So many parents I’ve spoken with quietly confess, “I’m terrified of when my child gets sick. I don’t know how I’ll handle it.” It’s a heavy weight to carry, but there are ways to lighten it.

For most parents, a child’s stomach bug is unpleasant but manageable. For a parent with emetophobia, it can feel like a waking nightmare:

  • Every notice that comes home about a stomach bug outbreak can trigger days of anxiety. You may debate whether to send your child to class or keep them home.
  • While other parents chat over coffee at playdates and birthday parties, you may be scanning the room, wondering if anyone looks pale or “off.”
  • Many parents with emetophobia feel ashamed for dreading moments that other parents take in stride. You might ask yourself, “Am I a bad parent because I can’t handle this?”

It’s important to recognize that this fear doesn’t mean you’re weak or incapable. It means you’re human, and your nervous system is sounding false alarms.

The first step toward relief is always to be working at recovery. Emetophobia is highly treatable, and you (and your children ) don’t have to feel this way forever. There is a lot of help nowadays in the form of books, websites, podcasts and so on – even if you don’t have or can’t afford a CBT therapist who does ERP (the gold standard of treatment for emetophobia).

While you’re working at recovery, there are a few things you can do to ease the burden of a sickness bug in your house in the way of preparation. A plan doesn’t eliminate anxiety, but it reduces the sense of chaos.

1. Build a “sick kit.”
Keep supplies ready: a bucket, designated bowl, garbage bin, or emesis bags (you can buy them on Amazon), gloves, masks and disinfectant wipes. When illness strikes, having everything at hand makes you feel more in control.

2. Use calm, neutral language.
Children look to you for cues. Instead of “Oh no, this is awful,” try “You’re not feeling well right now. Let’s get you comfortable.” Calm words reassure both your child and your anxious brain.

3. Practice quick calming techniques.
While caring for your child, slip in simple grounding exercises. A slow deep breath. Counting to ten while you wipe their forehead. Even small techniques signal to your body that you are safe. For further help in this area, you can check out my “Anxiety Tool Kit” online at http://www.katralex.com

Parents with emetophobia often beat themselves up for not being the “calm, unshakable parent” they want to be. But your children don’t need perfection. They need presence.

Being anxious does not make you a bad parent. In fact, your struggle may make you more empathetic to your child’s fears. When you model honesty—“Mommy’s a bit nervous, but I can handle this”—you show them what resilience looks like.

And remember, even if you have moments of panic or avoidance, that doesn’t erase the love and care you provide every day. Guilt doesn’t belong here.

Emetophobia can feel like a shadow over your parenting journey, but shadows aren’t permanent. They shift and change as light moves. When you take small steps—working at recovery, softening your self-talk, and allowing yourself grace—you slowly shift the balance toward light.

Your children don’t need a fearless parent. They need a loving parent who shows up. That presence is what matters most.

PARENT WORKSHOP OCTOBER 18
If you’re a parent struggling with emetophobia, you don’t have to navigate this alone. I’m offering a 3-hour workshop specifically for parents of kids and teens with emetophobia, filled with practical strategies, empathy, and tools for resilience. It’s a space where you can feel understood and supported while learning how to manage both your child’s needs and your own.

To learn more and reserve your spot (only 5 families per workshop):  www.emetophobiahelp.org/workshops You deserve to parent with more peace, and your children deserve to see you confident in yourself—even in life’s messy moments.

 

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Are We Really Control Freaks?

If you live with emetophobia—the fear of vomiting—you’ve probably noticed how much energy you spend trying to control your world, even if you’re currently in emetophobia treatment. You might carefully inspect expiration dates, avoid restaurants, carry sanitizer everywhere, or even stop yourself from making plans “just in case.” The fear of losing control becomes so overwhelming that it often feels safer to shrink your life down rather than risk the possibility of being sick.

I used to be labelled a “control freak,” which was very offensive and certainly never meant as a compliment. The thing is, people with emetophobia don’t need to control everything, we just feel we need to control things related to our fear of vomiting. So when someone, even a therapist tells you your phobia is “all about control” it’s just not true. Emetophobia is all about vomiting, period.

Why We Need Control

Human beings are wired to prefer certainty. Our nervous systems calm down when we know what’s coming next and ramp up when faced with uncertainty. Vomiting feels like the ultimate “unknown”—we don’t always know when it will happen, how intense it will be, or how we’ll cope afterward. For someone with emetophobia, that lack of uncertainty is often intolerable.

So, you do what makes sense in the moment: you avoid, you prepare, you control. You think, If I can just keep myself safe from germs, watch what I eat, and avoid anyone who might be sick, I’ll be okay.

But control is a tricky illusion.

The rituals you build to keep yourself safe—whether it’s triple-checking food or avoiding anyone with a cough—do bring a short burst of relief. But that relief never lasts, does it? Because deep down, you know you can’t control the world. Illness exists. Uncertainty exists. And the harder you grip the reins, the more exhausted and anxious you become.

This is why control, while comforting in the short term, actually fuels the cycle of emetophobia. It teaches your brain that “I can’t handle it unless I’m fully in control.” And that message reinforces the fear rather than eases it.

Learning to Loosen Your Grip

So, how do you begin to step away from control  and actually embrace uncertainty without feeling like you’re stepping into chaos? You start small. Really small.

– Instead of sanitizing your hands after every single touch, try letting one or two moments slide.
– Eat something without re-reading the expiration date five times.
– Sit with the discomfort of uncertainty for a few seconds longer than usual.

Each of these micro-steps teaches your brain something powerful: *I can handle not being in control. I can tolerate uncertainty without falling apart.* Over time, this gentle practice builds resilience, and the desperate need for control begins to soften.

A New Way Forward

Recovery doesn’t mean you suddenly embrace chaos or stop caring about health altogether. It means learning to trust yourself to handle life—even the parts that are messy and unpredictable. It’s not about giving up; it’s about finding freedom.

So, the next time you notice yourself trying to control every detail, pause for just a moment. Ask yourself: What would happen if I let go, just a little bit? What if I trusted myself instead of the illusion of control? That tiny question may be the first step toward peace.

Recovery is What You Really Need
If you’d like to start your recovery process now, sign up for my September Saturday (online) classes. Together, we’ll do exposure and response prevention and learn all about how to think differently about vomiting. Register now before classes are full! https://www.emetophobiahelp.org/classes

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What-If Thinking and Emetophobia

People with emetophobia often don’t live in either the present moment – they live in the past and the future. Asking “what if _____________” moves you from the here and now to a future time. “What if,” grammatically, is conditional. That means it’s not reality or what’s actually happening – it’s taking you to a future time when something might happen. But also, it might not.

You live in the past in the sense that when something triggers your emetophobia, your body “flashes back” to a time in the past, usually in childhood, when you felt emotionally alone, vulnerable, or afraid. This is not about blaming your parents for some terrible, heinous crime like child abuse. You hear stories of parents who hook their kids up to the clothesline outside or lock them in a dog crate in the basement without food or water. If you had parents like that, you may very well have emetophobia and/or a host of other problems, but more than likely your parents were just not emotionally available to you as a child and probably not when you were sick. There are other contributing factors to emetophobia besides these, but that’s not the point of this blog.

“What-if” Thinking goes something like this:

  • What if I touched something with norovirus particles on it?
  • What if I forget to wash my hands?
  • What if the food I ate was expired?
  • What if they’re not very clean in the restaurant kitchen?
  • What if my kids pick up something from the other kids at school?
  • What if I get so panicked that I throw up?
  • What if I get sick on the plane?
  • What if I sit beside someone else who is sick on the plane?

You get the idea. Sometimes, it’s tough to get yourself out of thinking this way once you start. It’s as if the thoughts go round and round in your head and just won’t stop plaguing you.

You can help change these thoughts by:

  1. Telling yourself they’re not helpful thoughts
  2. Telling yourself “STOP!”

The method, above, doesn’t work for everyone because some people experience the thoughts just coming back within a few minutes. If that’s the case for you, you can try:

  1. Change the “what if” to “right now” and find something you can see, something you can hear and something you can touch, and name it. So for example, “Right now I can see a pen, I can hear kids playing outside, and I can feel the blanket on my couch beside me.”
  2. Try grounding yourself in the present moment.
    1. If it’s warm enough outside you can take off your shoes and socks and walk outside on the grass. Feel the earth under your feet.
    1. Tell yourself what year it is, and how old you are.

The techniques above also don’t work for everyone. You may have to just leave those “what if” thoughts alone, as though they’re a jerk who crashed your birthday party. Instead of spending all the time talking to the jerk to convince them to leave, just ignore them and enjoy your party.

Commit yourself to doing things that you find important. Those things could be mundane, like the dishes or walking the dog. But you find your family and pets important in your life, so therefore those things are important to do.

Anna S. ChristieLeave a comment

Emetophobia is Not a Forever Phobia

Have you suffered from emetophobia for as long as you can remember? Does it feel like a forever phobia – a phobia that will plague you for the rest of your life? I promise you can get better. Against all odds, I did. Here’s my story.


The Phobia’s Tight Grip
Growing up in the 80s, I didn’t know anyone who shared my fear of vomit. I had never heard the term “emetophobia.” There was no internet to search for more information about the phobia or to find a community of fellow sufferers. And so, I suffered alone and in silence. It was too embarrassing to tell my elementary school friends that the reason I didn’t want to go with them to an amusement park was because I was scared I’d witness someone vomiting. In high school and college, I avoided drinking alcohol and doing recreational drugs and attending late-night
parties, all stemming from this persistent fear of vomit.

As Carl Jung, aptly said, “What you resist, persists.” And so, while I tried fervently to avoid vomit, I was paradoxically obsessed with it. Every stain on the sidewalk must be vomit. Every time I saw a car pulled over on the side of the road, I assumed someone was car sick. Vomit was everywhere.

My regular sessions with a psychoanalyst did nothing to loosen the tight grip of emetophobia. I had heard of “exposure therapy” as being a tool for getting over the phobia, but there’s nothing I wanted less than to be exposed to the very thing I spent my whole life desperately trying to avoid.


Rock Bottom
Every emetophobe has a rock-bottom moment before they attempt exposure therapy. The moment when something so terrible happens, you feel that you must do something so extreme because living with the fear is no longer an option. In my case, it was when I picked up my infant daughter from her crib and she vomited on me. I handed her to my husband while my vision blurred and I fainted. My daughter needed me and I was face-planted on her bedroom carpet.


My Recovery Journey
So, I had to do the unthinkable: I started exposure therapy (now known as Exposure and Response Prevention – ERP – therapy). After four months of weekly sessions with my therapist Dr. David Yusko, PsyD and daily homework exercises, I achieved something I had previously thought impossible: I became a parent who was able to nurture her vomiting child. When my kids are sick, rather than run away or lose consciousness, I am present and take care of them. I no longer think about vomit every second of the day. I can attend children’s birthday parties and go to amusement parks and be in large crowds without being an anxious mess. This new freedom is life-changing: I no longer live in fear of vomit.


Documenting my Journey to Recovery
I was amazed that I could be on the other side of recovery and I wanted other emetophobes to know that they, too, could achieve a life without vomit-related anxiety and fear. So, with Dr. Yusko, I co-wrote Gag Reflections: Conquering a Fear of Vomit Through Exposure Therapy, which chronicles my recovery journey. The book offers hope and practical guidance to others trapped by emetophobia.

The Emetophobia Institute Workshops
I partnered with Dr. Yusko again to create the Emetophobia Institute. Our Emetophobia Institute offers virtual workshops for emetophobes to help them achieve recovery. We also have programs for therapists – these courses teach therapists how to help their clients overcome emetophobia, offering both introductory as well as advanced treatment protocols, accompanied by continuing
education credits (CEU).


Not the Forever Phobia
I know that on your toughest days, you feel doomed to live your life in fear. But I promise you: Emetophobia is not a forever phobia. You can absolutely conquer it. If you’re ready to take the first step, I encourage you to read our book and explore our workshops at the Emetophobia Institute. Together, we can help you break free from the chains of emetophobia.

Dara Lovitz is a lawyer, professor, and author who is thrilled to not think about vomit all the time anymore. You can find her other works at www.DaraLovitz.com.

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The Role of Gut Health in Emetophobia

Emetophobia, the intense fear of vomiting, is often driven by anxiety, avoidance behaviours, and intrusive thoughts. But did you know that your gut health can play a significant role in your experience of this phobia? The gut and brain are closely linked, meaning that digestive issues can trigger anxiety, and anxiety can, in turn, affect digestion. Understanding this connection can help people with emetophobia find new ways to manage their symptoms and improve their overall well-being.

The Gut-Brain Connection: How It Affects Emetophobia

Your digestive system and brain are directly connected through the gut-brain axis, a complex network of nerves, hormones, and biochemical signals. This connection means that your emotional state can influence digestion, and digestive issues can influence your emotions. Here’s how this works:

  • The vagus nerve, which runs from your brain to your gut, sends signals in both directions. Anxiety can trigger digestive discomfort, and gut problems can increase feelings of anxiety.
  • The gut produces neurotransmitters like serotonin, which regulates mood. An unhealthy gut can lead to imbalances in these chemicals, increasing stress and anxiety.
  • Inflammation in the gut due to poor diet or food intolerances can contribute to feelings of unease, nausea, and panic.

For someone with emetophobia, this connection can create a vicious cycle. If you experience digestive discomfort, your brain might interpret it as a sign that you’re going to be sick, triggering a panic response. On the other hand, if you’re anxious, your gut may react by causing bloating, nausea, or cramping—making you feel even more convinced that something is wrong.

Common Gut Issues That Affect Emetophobia

Many people with emetophobia report having chronic digestive issues. Some common ones include:

1. Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS)

IBS is a functional gut disorder that affects how the digestive system moves and processes food. Symptoms include bloating, gas, cramping, diarrhoea, or constipation. Anxiety can worsen IBS symptoms, and IBS can, in turn, increase anxiety—especially for those who fear nausea and vomiting.

2. Acid Reflux and GERD

Gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD) occurs when stomach acid flows back into the esophagus, causing heartburn, nausea, and a burning sensation in the throat. Many people with emetophobia mistake mild acid reflux for the beginning of vomiting, which can trigger panic attacks.

3. Food Intolerances and Sensitivities

Certain foods can trigger nausea, bloating, and discomfort, particularly for those with food sensitivities. Dairy, gluten, high-fat foods, and artificial sweeteners are common culprits. If you frequently feel unwell after eating, keeping a food diary can help identify potential triggers.

4. Gut Dysbiosis (Imbalance of Gut Bacteria)

Your gut is home to trillions of bacteria that help with digestion, immunity, and mental health. An imbalance—caused by stress, poor diet, antibiotics, or illness—can lead to digestive issues and increased anxiety. Probiotics, prebiotics, and fermented foods can help restore a healthy gut microbiome.

How to Improve Gut Health and Reduce Emetophobia Symptoms

While gut health isn’t the sole cause of emetophobia, improving it can help reduce nausea, discomfort, and anxiety. Here are some science-backed ways to support your digestive system:

1. Eat a Balanced, Gut-Friendly Diet

A diet rich in whole, unprocessed foods can promote a healthier gut. Here’s what to include:

  • Fiber-rich foods (fruits, vegetables, whole grains, legumes) to support digestion and feed healthy gut bacteria.
  • Probiotic-rich foods (yogurt, kefir, sauerkraut, kimchi, miso) to replenish good bacteria.
  • Prebiotic foods (garlic, onions, bananas, asparagus) to help nourish gut bacteria.

2. Reduce Processed Foods and Artificial Ingredients

Artificial sweeteners, preservatives, and highly processed foods can irritate the gut and cause bloating, gas, and nausea. Stick to natural, whole foods whenever possible.

3. Stay Hydrated

Dehydration can lead to dizziness, fatigue, and digestive discomfort. Drink plenty of water throughout the day to keep your digestive system functioning properly. Don’t just sip it when you’re anxious, as this is a safety behaviour. Drink a full glass of water at intervals throughout the day instead.

4. Manage Stress and Anxiety

Since stress directly impacts gut health, finding ways to manage anxiety can improve digestion and reduce nausea. Some effective techniques include:

  • Deep breathing exercises (such as diaphragmatic breathing) to activate the relaxation response.
  • Mindfulness and meditation to calm anxious thoughts.
  • Progressive muscle relaxation to ease physical tension.
  • Journaling to track patterns in anxiety and digestive issues.

I sell a downloadable “anxiety toolkit” on my merch website at www.katralex.com Everything in the kit will help you with stress.

5. Improve Sleep Quality

Poor sleep can disrupt gut health and increase anxiety. Aim for 7-9 hours of quality sleep per night by:

  • Maintaining a consistent sleep schedule.
  • Avoiding screens and blue light before bed.
  • Practicing relaxation techniques before sleep.

6. Move Your Body

Regular movement aids digestion, reduces stress, and improves gut health. You don’t have to do intense workouts—even gentle yoga, stretching, or walking can be beneficial.

7. Identify and Address Food Sensitivities

If certain foods trigger nausea, experiment with an elimination diet. Remove suspected foods for a few weeks and slowly reintroduce them to see how your body reacts.

Final Thoughts

While emetophobia is primarily an anxiety-based condition, gut health plays a crucial role in how you experience and manage your symptoms. A well-functioning digestive system can help reduce nausea, improve mood, and break the cycle of fear. If gut issues are a significant part of your struggle, addressing them with a gut-friendly diet, stress management, and healthy lifestyle changes can make a real difference.

If you suspect a medical condition like IBS, GERD, or food intolerance is contributing to your anxiety, consider speaking with a healthcare professional for further guidance.

By taking small, consistent steps to support your gut health, you can build resilience against anxiety and regain confidence in your body’s ability to feel well.

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Happy New Year…right?

HAPPY NEW YEAR … right?

Happy New Year to all my blog readers and supporters out there! It seems whenever I wish someone with emetophobia a happy new year they’re always like “ugh…I hate January.” Apparently this year is “the worst ever” for reports of norovirus (incorrectly called “stomach flu”). It got me to thinking – is it really the worst? I don’t encourage people with emetophobia to ask Google this question. Because … why does it matter? Here are all the reasons it shouldn’t matter to you how much norovirus is “out there:”

  1. If you never put your fingers in your mouth or up your nose, you can never catch it.
  2. If someone with the virus vomits right in front of you, and you think you’ve been sprayed with even microscopic particles, head to a sink and wash your face and hands with soap and water before you lick your lips or sniff (you can’t inhale norovirus, but you can sniff it up your nose and swallow it down the back).
  3. If you do catch it – so what? I’m guessing you’re a young, healthy person reading this. Norovirus is a day of feeling gross, a day no one would sign up for, for sure. But then it’s gone and you didn’t die and life goes on just as before. Except that you’re now immune to this strain for the rest of the winter!

Some people with emetophobia go to excessive lengths to prevent Norovirus, most of which are completely unnecessary. We used to think benzalkonium chloride was the thing to kill it off on surfaces but now there’s a study to show it doesn’t work very well after all. Good ol’ bleach solution (1 tablespoon to a quart or litre of water) left on the surface to dry is still the best. And don’t use anti-bacterial soaps as they’re making “superbugs” and norovirus isn’t a bacteria anyway. Plain soap and water, and rub for 20 seconds (your Apple watch is a fun and cool help for that) and rinse. Voila…no more virus.

And please don’t wash your hands a hundred times a day. This will make them raw and dry – trapping the viral particles so washing them away is even more difficult. A normal amount of times to wash hands is 6-10 in a day. Each time you use the bathroom (for any reason), after you come home from outside, before preparing food, and before eating something with your hands. Further handwashing is not only unnecessary – it’s going to give you the opposite effect.

Beware of any times you want to put your fingers in your mouth such as:

  1. Licking food off your fingers
  2. Biting your nail(s)
  3. Licking fingers to turn a page
  4. Picking something out of your teeth
  5. Picking your nose
  6. Wiping the end of your nose

Remember, to catch norovirus you must swallow the particles (fecal or vomit). You cannot catch it through breathing them in, or being near or hugging someone who has/had/will have it. This IS how you catch Covid, however, and measles and a few other things so be sure your vaccines are up to date.

So take the necessary precautions and then scroll right past all those posts you’re seeing about people with Norovirus. I can guarantee they don’t know any of this stuff.